Many people want to become published writers. One of the best ways to do that is to write things. The typical journey to becoming a published writer begins with words and punctuation, which makes sense -- after all, what is writing, if not words and punctuation? But I recommend that budding writers involve themselves in every stage of the process involved in creating a published work, from developing waterproof, archival ink formulas to complaining about Dan Brown's inexplicable success.
Will it be easy? No. Nothing is easy, except making that kind of pudding you only have to add water to. That stuff is basically corn starch and sugar with a little vanillin thrown in. It's not even real vanilla. So if you want to write the easy way, sure: write instant pudding. But don't come crying to me if somebody eats your novel. In fact, don't come crying to me for any reason. I'm just too emotionally frail right now.
Another popular misconception is the idea that you can only write one thing. For example, although I owe my tremendous success to novels, I also write poems, short stories, and lists of things I need to do instead of writing. I have never written any songs, but that's because I get so angry having to rhyme "self" and "shelf". Also, I'm worried I might accidentally write that Jimmy Webb song "MacArthur Park" which shot Richard Harris to the #2 spot on the Billboard 'Hot 100' in June of 1968. This is natural. We writers are all afraid our work isn't good enough, that we'll be rejected, that critics will dismiss us. We're probably right. There's no getting around it.
So go ahead and explore all the different forms of writing, from minimalistic haiku to baroque real estate listings for luxury properties in the Santa Ynez Valley. There's only one rule: if you want to write novels, first you must write a novel. Are you ready? Let's begin!
Because I'm a famous novelist, many people come to me for skin care advice.
